How to Love Each Enneagram Type

Each Enneagram Type expresses and receives love in different ways. Knowing how to best love the people around you can help build better connection and depth into your relationship. In honor of Valentine’s Day week, here are some simple ways to love each other well according to Enneagram Type.

Enneagram 1: The Reformer

Rest: Enneagram 1 types tell me they can struggle to relax and settle down, especially when things feel unfinished. Encourage them to rest by stepping up taking action to alleviate them of some responsibility.

Hear Me Out: Enneagram 1’s hold strong opinions about things and will want to know that their voice is heard. Give them your attention and consideration of their point.

Loyalty: Show up, be consistent and back them up.

Feedback: One of the biggest challenges for Enneagram 1’s is dealing with their relentless inner critic. Offer feedback gently and remember that they are extremely hard on themselves.

Honor Shared Spaces: A common relationship dynamic with Enneagram 1’s is feeling like they are the “adult” in the relationship. Do your part to honor shared space, they will receive it as a sign of respect.

Enneagram 2: The Helper

Appreciation: Enneagram 2’s need to hear that the loved ones in their lives appreciate them. Noticing all of the little things they do to help others will mean a lot to them.

Verbalizing Feelings: While Enneagram 2 type are very good at reading the feelings of others and empathizing with them, they have a much harder time figuring out their own feelings, so ask them!

Affection: most Enneagram 2’s are affectionate toward others, and love receiving it as well!

Verbal Processing: Enneagram 2’s don’t know what they think about something until they verbalize it out loud. Be patient with the process.

Friends: Relationships are the most important thing to 2’s, be sure that you get to know the important people in their life.

Enneagram 3: The Achiever

Tell Me I’m Hot: Give Enneagram 3’s a boost by letting them know what you find attractive about them.

Don’t Interrupt: When Enneagram 3 types are focused on something, avoid interrupting them. Instead, clarify when they are available to honor their time.

Slowing Down: Enneagram 3’s might need some encouragement to slow down. Plan or schedule times for rest and connection.

Be Positive: Enneagram 3’s are naturally positive thinkers, so presenting things with a positive take will go a long way with them.

Feelings Check: Enneagram 3’s tend to move right past feelings. Help them stay a bit longer in emotion by asking them specifically how they feel.

Enneagram 4: The Individualist

Support Creativity: Enneagram 4 types need creative outlets, support them in their passions.

Big Feelings: Be patient when an Enneagram 4 needs time to process big feelings. They may retreat or need time to sort things out.

Tell Me Why I’m Special: 4’s often feel like there is something they are missing. Remind them often what unique things they bring to the world.

Acknowledge My Feelings: Feelings are a huge part of the inner world of a 4, be sure to acknowledge and ask about their feelings.

Room To Process: Give 4’s room to process, they are big internal processors and don’t respond well to being pushed to move on.

Enneagram 5: The Investigator

Clear Expectations: 5’s do best when expectations are made clear.

Details: Enneagram 5’s like to have knowledge, including all of the details.

Time to Process: Enneagram 5 types tend to retreat when a response or action is expected from them. Give them time to form their thoughts around something before you discuss it.

Physical Activities: 5’s are in their head most of the time, and can greatly benefit by getting into their bodies more with physical activity. Many 5’s do well exploring the mind and body connection through yoga.

Accept Help: 5’s are independent and may have a hard time asking for help. Affirm them when they do.

Enneagram 6: The Loyalist

Be Patient: Type 6’s can be very anxious and will require extra patience when they are caught up in worry.

Be a Safe Place: Don’t make fun or take lightly the concerns of a 6. Be a safe place for them to share honest concerns.

Be Trustworthy: Enneagram 6 types are naturally skeptical, be sure that they know they can trust you and that you are loyal to them.

Reassure Me: Gentle reassure a 6 when they are caught up in worst case scenario thinking. Let them know you have their back.

Verbally Processing: Type 6’s really need time to verbally process to work through things. Give them space to do so.

Enneagram 7: The Enthusiast

Support My Dreams: Innovative and creative thinkers, 7’s often have big plans and dreams. Support them and encourage them to dream big.

Expressing My Feelings: Enneagram 7’s have a tendency to reframe negatives into positives, but they need to be able to access hard emotions too. Encourage them to express all emotions.

Easy on the Expectations: Be careful with expectation with a 7, they will rebel against limits if they feel constrained.

Story Telling: 7’s offer entertaining stories, give them your full attention!

Be Flexible: Remember that Enneagram 7’s struggle with the mundane, give them space to be flexible and spontaneous when appropriate.

Enneagram 8: The Challenger

To The Point: Enneagram 8 types are direct communicators, they will not have patience for long, draw out conversations. Stick to the point.

Support Exercise: 8’s have a ton of physical energy, let them prioritize exercise to help manage this.

Be All In: Type 8’s want to know that you have their back. Be all in and reassure them that you won’t betray them.

Be Direct: Along with being direct, never go behind an 8’s back. They are especially sensitive to betrayal.

Be a Safe Space: Enneagram 8’s will find growth in opening up and exposing their softer side. Be a safe place to do so.

Enneagram 9: The Peacemaker

Don’t Interrupt: It can be hard for Enneagram 9’s to speak up, be sure that you don’t interrupt them when they have the floor.

Give Me Time: Avoid pressuring an Enneagram 9 to make decisions. Give them space and settle on a mutually agreeable deadline.

Encourage Me: Give 9’s encouragement when they speak up and offer their opinions and preferences. This can be hard for them to do.

Don’t Push Me: 9’s are possibly the most stubborn type of Enneagram. Do not push them, it will have the opposite effect.

Affirm Me: When a 9’s move independently, even in small ways, affirm them. Reassure them that independence does not mean a loss of connection.